Mother's Day is not for grandmothers
It's for the moms in the trenches
I’ve been a mother for 36 years. That means there have been at least thirty Mother’s Days that were all about me.
That’s enough.
I recently saw a video on social media of a young mom talking about all the ways in which her mother-in-law made Mother’s Day all about herself. This young mom was understandably frustrated and tired (because she’s the one doing the active mothering these days) and wondered when the day would be HER day, not just her MIL’s day.
What was shocking to me was the number of comments from grandmothers who were bashing this young woman, calling her selfish and disrespectful to her MIL. I don’t necessarily disagree with the last part, since she did put this video online, so obviously her MIL could see it — but I 100% disagree that she was being selfish.
Why do so many grandmothers believe the day should still be about them? You’ve had your time. These days, moms are tired. The world moves at a head-spinning pace, and these young women are juggling so much. That was true when I was a young mom, too. I remember those days of being in the thick of it. It was exhausting.
And it was every single day. Shampoo, rinse, repeat.
I watch my daughter and daughter-in-law now with so much awe and respect. They are sweeter and more patient than I ever was and run their homes like well-oiled machines. They are organized and efficient, and they make so many little moments special and fun for their kids.
They are the ones who deserve to be celebrated.
Maybe I didn’t always advocate for my girls to be celebrated. It’s been 10 years since my first grandchild was born, and I honestly don’t remember. It was probably a bit of a mental transition. But I hope that by the time my daughter-in-law had her first child five years later, I understood that the day needed to be about them.
I will always cherish the sweet drawings and handmade cards my children brought home when they were small. The handwritten notes as they got older. Home-cooked dinners once they were adults and before they had children. It’s an honor to be acknowledged by your adult children, and I never take that for granted.
But once they have their own children, the day is no longer for me. And I’m ok with that.